“You should write a book,” a friend said as she stood in my driveway this afternoon. Maybe I will, but not without first hanging an intro on my post-thirsty blog. Like a treasured memoir with a dusty frame and broken glass, it’s beautiful in its own way. But I haven’t always viewed it that way.
Disclosure: I am a Christian. As a result, some may question my motive for such a post, but this woman has been a very real part of my life for the past 4 years. I write. If after 4 years, she doesn’t know that about me, that’s on her. I’ve humbled myself on many occasions to facilitate reaching a truce, and it’s a regular topic that I address in prayer. Still, what I’m about to say lacks the sugar-coating that one may [or may not] expect following such a disclosure.
Previously, I wrote about the NC kangaroo court system that has failed my husband, and many other good fathers in a multitude of ways, which is sure to inspire a variety of articles, but that’s not what this is about. If you’re interested, that post is titled: Divorced Dads & Kangaroo Courts.”
So what do you do when the NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) not to be confused with NYPD, [mind you, nothing surprises us anymore], shows up on your doorstep; breaks into your home, steals your identity; tosses around false child abuse allegations like candy at a parade; and/or harasses you on your job over a $15 copay – all in the name of vengeance? Never mind that NPD had an affair and left the marriage on their own accord. You just need to pay for whatever delusional story they’ve conjured up in their head. Long after they’ve bankrupted your spouse emotionally, financially, and mentally, it’s still not enough. Even when the NPD remarries, the vengeance doesn’t slow, it escalates. When alienating and using the product child as a pawn isn’t as fun as once was, they now have new marital resources to continue to drag you into court and bleed you dry with legal fees, while NC court systems aid and abet them in doing so. Oh and NC believes in giving these coo-coo birds multiple opportunities to take the platform, only to disagree with every proposal, just so it can be continued to a later date. Meanwhile, let us sacrifice and save up for the next retainer. Next post: Minimalist Christmas Hacks!
As if that’s not enough, those on the inside of these shameful courthouse dramas are pretty blatant about it. In not so many words, my husband was once told by a local ‘authority’ on “Our County” custody cases that since he doesn’t have a vagina, what he says or wants doesn’t matter. Shameful. Perhaps this “authority” has daddy issues of her own. Whatever the case, she’s right in that many NC county courts are biased towards mothers. As a divorced mother, I have experienced the same. That said, I never dreamed of trying to bring financial ruin to a former spouse. On the flip side, few divorced women claim that sentiment. Hence, this post.
One is sorely lacking in many ways to work so hard to attempt to bring down someone they previously claimed to love. Does she still have unresolved feelings for him? When you’re trying to find some logic amongst the crazy, you’d be remiss not to consider it. Naturally, she’ll deny such a claim, much like she denies any responsibility for her own intrusive actions. She’s the victim!
To this point, every official we’ve encountered, from biased courthouse judges, parenting coordinators, and psychologists, to the naive guardian ad-litem, and finally, jaded child support caseworkers, have all made it very clear, either through their words or actions, that fathers are only as good as the contents of their wallet – until today. Today, as much as this ex-wife sought to get an unwarranted increase, after voluntarily quitting her high-paying job, she was denied. Today, one of those officials realized her story didn’t add up because the truth wasn’t in the equation. Praise God!
What this ex-wife fails to realize is that the state/county organization that represents her, also represents a number of women (and men), whom work multiple jobs to support their kids because they receive little support, or worse, none at all! Yet, here she is, receiving more than adequate child support, seeking an increase simply because she’s vengeful, greedy, self-absorbed, and entitled – AKA a gold-digger. She makes a living out of manipulating people to get what she wants. Seriously!
Am I bashing her? I don’t believe so. Am I calling out the bad behavior that has invaded our lives and using societal terminology to describe it? Yes. For those that have lived or are currently living a similar nightmare, you “get it,” where other’s won’t. This is for you. You’re not alone.
What changed today? What made this one lone official see the light? I don’t know. Maybe the ex reeked of foolishness more-so today than in the past? For me and my husband, it has been an ongoing process of change. We aren’t who we once were, not even as recently as 4 years ago. God is good. He is faithful. This week, we emulated Jesus – with fasting and prayer. We sought His will; His vengeance, and not our own. We prayed for our victory, and His glory. Though we didn’t sacrifice much, a few meals at most, He honored our willingness. His protection is paramount and you can’t put a price tag on His favor. So when you pray, as I know you will, if only because it becomes more instinctual in times of turmoil, don’t ask God to change your ex. Ask God to change you.
Grace & Peace,